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Vertical Sex is what it says it is: a collection of positions undertaken in a vertical aspect (though not always standing up). Some positions may seem to lean towards the horizontal, but sometimes it's hard to qualify. So stop sending in your moaning emails thinking you know better - editorial isn't an easy job you know, especially with the constant fear that you're desensitising yourself with the constant barrage of erotic images.
You might think it's a dream job, but it's not: I see so much of this stuff that it doesn't really turn me on anymore. What if I don't fancy my wife anymore either? What if I'm off the whole sex thing? What if I'm not, but I need more hardcore stuff to get me going? Will my wife want to do the things I'll need her to do to satisfy me? Could I even describe them to her without her wanting to throw up all over me there and then? Would it give me some kind of sick thrill if she did throw up? I don't know. I just don't know. Okay? Okay? I DON'T KNOW, OKAY! IT MIGHT NOT EVEN COME TO THAT, I MIGHT BE FINE, I DON'T KNOW - BUT YOU BUGGING ME ISN'T HELPING AT ALL, SO SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!
Okay. Right. Calm. Calm. Calm. Vertical Sex. Yeah.
This is what you came here for really, isn't it? The sex positions. They're not all impossible to do as rumour would have it - most of the positions shown here can be performed by even the least experienced and unathletic chubby unfit scoutwalkers. And, naturally, the more you do them the easier they become - not just because of familiarity with the position but because the hydraulic resources required to perform them will build up fairly quickly after just a few sessions, and they'll remain so as long as you keep at it. Vertical sex. Yeah.
Home |
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| Introduction | Schematics | ||
| 1) Foreplay | 2) Oral Sex | ||
| 3) Vertical Sex | 4) Horizontal Sex | ||
| 5) Anal Sex | 6) Afterplay | ||
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